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September 15, 2005

Fast Train Coming. Not.

Now that Ron and MichMich are back from their Fantabulous Taxpayer Financed Asian Vacation (Part 1), no doubt with contracts in hand, from eager potential businesses just waiting to open up here in Chattanooga, we'll assume Worst-Mayor Ron might actually get down to work and start making good on all those awesome campaign promises he laid on us last Spring. [BTW, did anyone else think it was a little bit tacky for Ron to be doing the Tokyo Two-Step while our city was acting as a secondary staging ground for homeless evacuees from our nation's worst disaster ever (TM Billy Blades)? You just cannot pry that man's lips from the public teet. Especially when a free trip abroad is in the mix. However, props to SuperTodd Womack for his awesome efforts to make our city's response to the crisis successful. He was a true leader. That man will make a fine mayor some day. The sooner the better.]
Now, you may or may not remember, but Ron made a lot of promises during the campaign--and not all of them were to Ward Crutchfield, Union reps and Dan Johnson. Here's a small sampling quoted directly from Littlefield campaign brochures, just to refresh your memory: Ron will target high paying tech jobs...be the chief salesman for our city...keep Chattanooga on the short-list of companies looking for a new home...focus on teaching...re-engineer roads...construct new roads...create greenways...pave sidewalks...clean-up Chattanooga Creek...redesign I-75(!)...aggressively seek full-service grocery stores(?)...keep Chickamauga Lock construction on schedule.
Whatever, dude. None of those even get close to our very favorite campaign lie, er, promise. We want the Choo Choo! The Littlefield Express! That's right--bring on the Bullet Train to Glory--or at the very least Atlanta!
Ron promised to 'connect Chattanooga to its future' more than once. Apparently, he's got amazing business skills that he's kept hidden, literally all of his life. Because, I refuse to believe that someone would intentionally put out a brochure this ugly, if they didn't intend to build the Bullet. So, it's going to cost billions and billions of dollars that nobody has. So what. Ron said he would do it, and we believe him. Not.
So we're counting the days, literally. We here at Littlefield: Worst Mayor Ever are eager to take our first trip to Atlanta on Ron's Magic Bullet. I don't suppose that the Bullet Train--when he builds it--will be arriving at the Chattanooga Choo-Choo platform, what with it being owned by Power Structure Bad Boy Jon Kinsey and all, but wherever he puts it-we'll be waiting. And waiting...

Official Littlefield Bullet Train Count: Day 150